Just have faith that you won’t care very soon. Read my posts. Such a long story.
My husband ( long history with hidden coke addiction) same as your husband and nearly everyone’s husband, act pretty much same way. They mess your head up, get you thinking it’s you. It’s not, you need to drum it into yourself it’s not.
Like they need to get clean, we also need to.
First read up about co dependency, go to al anon or another 12 step support programme. You will start to become more level headed, you will start to see all the madness for what it is. You won’t be able to do this until you get well. We are sick like them, they’ve made us sick!
Cut all contact. I mean all contact. Don’t let him see his son until he can prove he’s clean, tell him to go through the courts. ( they won’t) addicts haven’t got motivation to do anything but score more drugs.
This is the tough one. Accept your marriage is over, Stop seeing the man he was and start writing lists of all the things he’s become, all the awful things he’s done to you. You need to see him as someone new, someone evil! I don’t find it easy thinking of them as sick ( which they are, but it keeps us locked in) because we still have empathy despite everything.
My husband left me and our kids last Thursday, claimed he didn’t think he wanted it anymore, basically has binged since then and now I’ve cut all contact, let’s just say he’s not being very nice.
Suicide threats, threats to disclose secrets about me, threats to turn up at my house.
I can’t live like it anymore but I’m starting to feel stronger and after crying and really trying to let it go and see it for what it is now, I actually feel a little empowered.
Keep strong. Someone told me if you really love the person deep down, let him go because I’m keeping him sick for longer and that hit home hard!
Until he chooses another path you can’t do anything. But you can look after yourself and I promise eventually you’ll feel better but you have to try to change too. You can’t expect them to quit drugs if we can’t quit them, if that makes sense?
Xx