Hiya mate. Im same as you with a cocaine problem. Im doing my best to stop. I cant stand the suicidal thoughts and depression on the come down, especially when i have kids
Id delete everyone out your phone to do with coke. And never see anyone again to do with coke. Youve been given a 2nd chance in my eyes, so you can make it work. Could you not tell your gf? She could help you?
Id get to as many meetings as you can and use the services you have.
You have been so close to ending it, and its the drugs that make you like that.
Then nxt day or a few days after the park incident, was you glad you was stopped or not?
If this is what its doing to you and you want to carry on. Id go to every meeting you can and get as much support as you can and dont be ashamed. Im here anytime u need talk to anyone.
But dont deal with anyone to do with drugs now. Dont even drink! And take up some new hobbies. Listen to some cocaine recovery stories on you tube or podcast, they help me a lot.