Iv signed up here about 30 mins ago,this week i finally threw the towel in and come clean to my family about my coke use,how they never clocked i dont know.Been constant for 12 years odd,but last few years its got outa control,lost my partner of 14 years bout 18 months who was a diamond and shud of got rid of me long before that,she had the patience of a saint,i was never mean or unfaithful,but when on one id go missin for days and as im sure the rest of you can relate,when wanting tlc and affection on the sunday/monday comedown,cudnt understand why she so fucked off.Cocaine makes u selfish and wanting one thing only.After being heartbroken (deservedly so)i somehow managed to get with another absolute angel,again hiding my secret.I am tryin to cling on to her but shes pretty much at end of her patience,and wants me no part of her until i sort myself,i want to stop but its so hard.I always felt i could hold it down on coke,never been a gurner or type to have weird hand action appear on it or tryin to lick my nose,but in the last 6 months i have seen a massive change in my thinking when on it.I conjur up mad stories in my head and get very paranoid and possessive of my soon to be ex gf,the next day when sober and on planet earth i scare myself about the mad situations i was convinced were true and goin on in my head.its almost like my brain has taken too much abuse and a switch has been turnt.We cokeheads dont mean to be selfish and upset and wreck everything good in our lives,but its tough.Next week i have my first meeting and i pray to god i can turn this round and try save my relationship with my gf as i love her dearly and worry where i go if im
Alone
Thanks for listening,