Im hope my words provide you with some help!
It definitely sounds like alcohol is the problem here, believe me this is the same for almost every person I know who does coke, its such a huge trigger (probably the biggest). Alcohol and coke just seem to go hand in hand! For me, the second I planned to have a drink the thoughts started creeping in my mind ‘how long until someone will whip out a bag or call a dealer’ and from there is was inevitable what would happen.
Going to the gym isn’t the only past time, one thing when I started counselling, the counsellor asked me: ‘So what do you do that makes you happy?’ What do you do that you enjoy? – Such as simple question actually made me quite sad!
When I started to reflect on my life as it was there was nothing! I have a beautiful family who make me happy but nothing that was just for me that could bring me joy, drinking and drugs with ‘friends’, that was my past-time and I just thought to myself how did I get this far, how did I lose my way this much that drink and drugs such a big part of my life!
So please dont beat yourself up! You are not a bad person and you are definitely not alone, being able to admit that problem to yourself is a huge step and reaching out to people here is also a big step even if you dont recognise that just yet.
I often feel in many instances this is one of the reasons people find drugs so addictive, there is nothing else in life that fulfils them! Now I could be way off the mark here – but ask yourself the same question!
Do you have something in your life that is just for you or something that just really makes you happy?
If not then it might be time to do a little soul searching and think back through your life about something you loved doing but dont do anymore and then go and do it!
And if this does sound like it could be the same for you! Let me know what that thing is! I always loved the arts, so sometimes ill visit a gallery (most of the time they’re free and it gets me out of the house and gives me time alone to reflect) Never be too busy to make time for yourself!