I couldn’t agree with Michelle more!
I come from a family of addicts, which should have been a warning to me but it wasn’t (maybe its just in the genes), and I also have had family members overdose from drugs and alcohol addictions, commit suicide from gambling debts and I have seen the misery and destruction that is left in the wake of a family member committing suicide, similar to Michelle iv seen family members in and out of prison and even had two family members not long after their mother committed suicide were jailed for murder, I can assure you this wouldn’t have happened if their mother was still around!
I too have spent thousands and thousands over the years on cocaine and when I stopped to think about exactly how much its eye watering! But you can always make more money so dont fixate on that.
You say that your increased use has come as a result of family problems and you’ve got a wife who stuck beside and people who love you! Imagine the impact and family problems you will cause those around you by doing such a thing!
Focus on what you are trying to numb! Sit with that feeling and work through that grief! Drugs to not make those things disappear they just make you forget for a while! If you truly want peace in your life then you have to work through these problems! Having been in and out of counselling myself for around 4/5 years I cant tell you how much of an impact a good counsellor can have!
Assuming you havent tried counselling before it will go something like this:
First few sessions your thinking – What on earth am I doing here! Wont open up to much, cant wait to get out (counsellors have seen this all before and will see straight through it)
Later sessions – you will start to really look at things with a new perspective and start to uncover thoughts and feelings you have just pushed away, things you didn’t even realise were having such a huge impact on your life decisions! Once you get here then the real work starts!
Dont give up! You can beat this, you just have to be willing to put in the hard work! So just ask yourself are you ready and willing to put in that work for you wife, my gut feeling says you are ready to put the work in mate!