Well another therapy session last night. We talked about the struggles I have with no longer being in a position of control when it comes to my son. The hard part is when there are even the slightest deviations from the norm. They explode in my mind and I go from zero to 100 miles per hour thinking the worst. It is really hard when you know nothing or get very brief answers to questions. After all this time torturing myself it is hard to just let go. Plus usually the reason for any deviations from the norm are nowhere even close to what I was conjuring up in my mind. He has been dating this really pretty girl. He dated her every week for 8 weeks in a row. The ninth week there was no date and it took me like one minute and I already thought up 12 reasons why there was no date. He relapsed. No money because he blew it all on drugs. She found out he was using and dumped him, etc. etc. etc. I’ll get to a place of peace one day I hope. The counseling helps. He has been “on his own” for about 7 weeks now and I realize that in the 7 week period if things were the same and I was in complete control it would not have made any difference. He still would have lived the same life……just would have to do it behind my back, so the worrying and turning stomach I felt would have been for nothing you know what I mean? I have to keep telling myself all is well….until it isn’t.
