Hi,
I’m so sorry to read your post. I know that it’s really hard to cope with your partner’s addiction and I can see how it is affecting you. You’re right it is up to him to want to change but it sounds like you could do with some support for yourself.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We provide support for people going through what you are, and have trained and very experienced people who understand the things you are dealing with. If you would like to be put in touch with one of our people that you could talk with, please get in touch. May be it would help you to find a way forward.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org
All the best to you.