You always have a choice, its just harder to see when you are trying to desperately to keep up appearances. That’s what happened to me.
My Ex partner (we still live together pending the sale of our flat) is addicted to cocaine and will do it every other day. wasting at least £100 every time he does it. We are behind on mortgage payments, water, electric, council tax. Just about everything. its about £6000+ in total. Not including the debts he has outstanding with a number of drug dealers. So i really can relate. i just have to call up all of the providers and say we are in financial difficulty and troubles at home (without actually saying what it is) and put us on plans to repay. I Also have a 2 year old son with him. He will have no issue about doing it in front of him even when the little one is eating breakfast. it breaks my heart, but i cannot enable it anymore. I decided that i did have a choice and i spilt up with him after 10 years of being together. so much happened in those 10 years with his drug addiction i could write a bloody book!
I try and get out of the flat away from the ex and do something fun, although it can be difficult as i don’t have much money and only work part time with 80% of my wages going on the bill to cover what the ex hasn’t paid. so i go on a lot of walks, to the park and try and find deals to go to places wherever i can on, places like groupon.
I have tried to get him help but nothing has worked. i tried actively for 4 year with professional help, separate counsellors, couples counselling, group sessions. He just thinks that he is better than it all.
To be honest i don’t have advise on how to talk to teenagers, my son is only 2 at the moment so haven’t yet reached that stage. but when the time comes for me, i think trying to be honest about the situation without too much story telling on what he has done would be a start. They will have there own opinion on him and the emotional side of the addiction. Researching some facts about cocaine you could ask them what they understand about drugs and what effects they have physically and mentality, the science behind it. Maybe telling them that the drug can sometimes overtake the person that they used to be, its a very delicate situation and you know your children and what they will be able to take in. They might even have a clue or seen snippets of it already so it might be a point of putting the puzzle pieces together.
The main thing is to look after yourself, its so hard to be a mum as it is let alone to mother a partner with a drug addiction. do something today that makes you happy. Have a bath or read a chapter of a book. or even try (and it know this might be pushing it as a mum) a sit in a room to reflect or meditate for 10 minutes. I never thought i would ever be a person to mediate or do yoga, but it took my mind off it for at least 10 minutes, i felt free in those 10 minutes and i didn’t care if i looked silly, i done it for me.
I hope this helps, just know you’re not alone lovely. I will be thinking of you today xxx