Hi ginger,
You haven’t failed at all. My brother has been a cocaine addict for over 10 years (hes 33) and Im the daughter (now 23) of a mother who felt exactly the same way as you. Please don’t think that you have failed.
As for your son, I can tell you he does have a mother, and that it’s painful seeing you this way. I can understand what he has seen and heard and my heart goes out to him. Please, if you can and obviously this is your choice-talk to him. I can tell you from the years watching my mum being destroyed by my brothers habits, all I wanted to do was hug her tight, and talk to her about some of the things I was feeling at the time and hope that she felt that she could talk to me ( depends on how old your son is- I know it can be hard). I know It’s not exactly a “happy” topic to be talking about with your son, but I think it needs to be done eventually and in a strange way it brought my mother and I closer. But I want you to know, you are a great mother, becuase you care. Stay strong not only for your son but for yourself too.