Hey I hope you are ok. It’s not you who is messing things up its him.
The lies and worry turn you into a paranoid wreck. Its understandable.
I walked away from mine a few weeks ago and I’m struggling but I’m doing my best to let go.
The way I saw it I thought maybe losing me might make him realize but it didnt work that way.
He is happily taking drugs still and hasnt even contacted me. I don’t think he will now.
It sounds as though violence between you two is escalating and that’s not good.
Honestly until he decides he wants help there is nothing you can do you will just be fighting an endless struggle.
Go somewhere with the kids or tell him he has to go. Keep it calm and civil. Give him a time frame to get help. See what he does. You might not like the result but at least you will know.