Hello.
Yes, a lot of us on here have been through the same thing. One thing is for sure though you didn’t stop him loving you the cocaine did. You gave him support. You did the right thing with the contact to your home which he agreed to, but he took cocaine anyway knowing the consequences. He wanted you to take care of the finances but still bought cocaine and gambled. You have done everything you could without enabling him.
They lie and manipulate and blame us for their using. But we are not to blame they destroy our lives because cocaine comes first before anything.
My heart breaks for you. My heart has never recovered, my husband hasn’t returned to the wonderful loving person he was even though he has been in prison for a year.
None of this is your fault, you tried your hardest.