Nine years is a long time and it is hard to give up on the person we love. We just want that loving person back. You are not weak putting up with all this but it is finally getting you down looking after him. He has to want to stop drinking you cannot make him, you are not his mum.
You need to look after yourself. I can understand the tiredness and feeling weak and hopefully this will pass and you will concentrate on yourself and do the things mentioned above in your post to make you feel better.
Keep strong you will not be thought of as an attention seeker on here.