Hey Gigi, I think there is an almost identical series of mindset with the morning after. Like you say, wake up thoughts spinning and self loathing at an all time high, makes it like a never ending cycle as I treat the hate with abuse and self destruct, so unhealthy. Like you said, working from home and that has made it more accessible and open for midweek which is ridiculous… ashamed and embarrassed that I would do this to the people around me let alone myself. Well, on the up side – yesterday was coke free, first time for a while and hopefully first of many. I do feel positive about it, but I feel like shit at the minute. As Chall81 said theres a first few weeks to claw through which are the peak of it, then hopefully will ease a little. It’s now or never though, this is a battle of years for me and it CANT win. It’s easy to feel hate Gigi the next morning, dont let it guide your mental state. Doesn’t do any favours in my experience.
I also feel for the contributors with partners that are going through the mill st the minute. One thing I can say which you guys have resonated already – underneath that horrible draw that gravitates to use cocaine is a good, caring person (in these cases anyway) dont give up on them. I’m do lucky to have an unbelievably understanding and caring other half, without which I would have gone well over the edge by now. One of my drivers in getting clean is to make her proud, prove I’m better than I have been and that she deserves more. Because she does, she’s a saint to have put up with me. Well worth a few shit weeks to get my head from up my ass and back in the game… I miss real life 🙁