quite honestly, everything you’re written.. that’s been me.
You drive yourself crazy – your mind goes into overdrive. What’s true, what’s a lie? You simply do not have the trust anymore.
My partner wasn’t the same man. When not on drugs, he was Mr Wonderful. When on that crap, he was abusive, rude, aggressive. Angry. He was just not even a nice person. Isn’t a nice person. And when he was like that, he bought out the worse in me. Made me angry, made me swear at him, spy on him, violate his privacy to find out the truth when I knew he was lying. I became a different person, not the loving, trusting, giving person I am. How can you be? You can’t be a loving, trusting, giving person to an addict. Because you can’t trust them and all they will do is take take take.
I live alone. So I have that space. I have (numerous times) blocked him on my phone, my email.. every platform he could use to contact me. I have ignored him when he turns up at my door. In the end he wrote cards and letters. Went into recovery for first time ever in March. Now lapsed.. I searched his phone when he refused to admit it (I knew, his behaviour was all I needed to know).. and so now I have blocked him again and refused to answer the door to him. My next stepping stone is when he posts something through my door. Which he will. An addict will never give up on a person that tolerates them, loves them, cares for them and puts up with their continuous lies and bad behaviour.
If he is only (I say only) sniffing coke, it takes very little time to ingest it. It’s not like smoking crack or H. It’s not time consuming but it will burn through money.. and affect his moods. Does any of that sound familiar?
Try and search these forums. There are a couple of people that are cocaine addicts and they have come on here to get help. You can reply to their post and ask them any questions you have related to the drug itself and drug use. No one would know better than them ..