I really can feel your pain and heartache. I truly can.
I think in your heart you know the truth, don’t you? None of that is normal behaviour. It’s a great cover to say you’re paying back dealers… but honestly, dealers don’t usually let an addict get that much in debt because they know they will never get their money back.
I feel so sorry for you. Because you are behind me in terms on the journey you’re on. But you are certainly not alone.
I would encourage you to start putting some boundaries in place. You must think of the children and the impact this may have on them, if things deteriorate. You also have to consider your own mental health and wellbeing. I was ill for months and months at a time.. if it doesn’t manifest itself mentally it will come out physically.
Are you able to reconnect with your sisters?