sadly I only speak from experience. Don’t beat yourself up, you will get there.
Maybe the counselling benefitted me.. who knows, but I was running around like a lunatic. I confronted dealers, stalked the streets in the early hours trying to find his crack house mates.. I sent myself insane. You have children, they have to come before anyone.
Try to think of some boundaries.. some things you can decide you have to do to make life easier for yourself and the children. Be it to get him out the house, or protect yourself from him taking money from you. Determine a safe space where you and your children will be away from this…
trust me, it’s a cliche but you don’t know how strong you can be until you have to be. You will find your way. Do look at the other websites and read and research it, so you know what you are dealing with. Information makes you smarter about the situation you are in. You will know the signs to look for, and what you can do for yourself. I urge you to speak to the drug advice people on this live chat:
https://www.wearewithyou.org.uk/help-and-advice/
when they open, they are so so helpful. They are there for the people affected by others use, and they have a wealth of knowledge and advice.
For yourself, try to find some ways to relax, and start to care for yourself.. breathing techniques, meditation.. long baths.. start to care about YOU.
I hit rock bottom November last year, when he was very unkind to me. I actually knelt by my bed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.. and prayed. I’m not a religious person but I prayed to God that I find the strength to get this man out of my life, because I couldn’t take any more. I am still trying to get him out of my life, but my barriers went up that day. No more tears. No more heartache. I tried to help him and he started recovery in March, but he has lapsed. So I start again with the process of getting him out of my life. He will come back one day. They always do, because they are weak and needy and we loving nurturing women fulfil their needs. At our own expense.
Start to look forward. What can you do now.. in the next week/month, to move away for him? To protect your children. Protect yourself. Have some goals.. a plan. Get some support around you, be it forums or reconnecting with friends.
You will get there darling. Trust me.