Good to hear from you Hox!
You have to set yourself these goals, the goal is to make yourself happy.
I bought a house before I got with him but 2 more kids and the house is now too small. So we both agreed to sell up and get a joint mortgage. Turns out a blip on his credit file meant harder to get high st lender mortgage so found a higher interest lender that would. Any way turns out he then spent his entire 2k wage on drugs despite him knowing we needed his bank statements for mortgage application. Not content with that he did it again this month! I cancelled joint application and set myself up for single application just after his first bender. Just been accepted now. My suspicions are that he wanted to get his hands on the equity, coz he totally went off on a rant when I told him I’d been accepted. Previous to that he was fine with it but prob as he thought I wouldn’t have any chance. Well he’s wrong. And if he thinks I’m going to put my kids at risk he can think again. I’ve stood on my own 2 feet long enough to do the best I can with no help elsewhere. He is now in the middle of a pity party, moaning it’s still not his house, moaning I won’t lend him money, moaning I’ll have loads of money from sale of house and he won’t- I actually won’t coz it’s for house stuff. And then telling anyone who will listen that he won’t be living there coz he’s going to rehab.
Well he needs it, he’s been up for 6 days straight on a bender. His entire wages gone – I made sure he gave me back what I lent him last month.
I’m not interested in his antics. They are tiring and not healthy. I distanced myself around Dec and it’s the best thing I’ve done. Yes he has noticed, chucks it in the arguments now but I’m past caring. Well I’m going to keep myself busy with moving and leave him to it. See if he actually does go rehab. Sure as hell not staying with us if he doesn’t.
Hox & Lostone – believe me when I tell you that you are strong, you have the deep set will power to achieve anything. You will change your mindset and let the addict affect you less. Distance yourself – take yourself out of the chaos. Concentrate on you and your kids. You know the strongest people are those who live with addicts. They have and can deal with so much more than some people could only dare think was possible. You need to look after yourself. Love yourself! Xx