Thank you for the information I will look into it, I’ve had some good support from work & HR, my company has 24 hour helpline to support people dealing with these issues, so I’ve found out today so I will give that a bash 1st I think, thank you every life line is appreciated.
He has returned from hospital this afternoon and things have far from gone away. The doctor at the hospital apparently told him he needs to cut down still but to keep drinking, I believe it but I don’t believe it, I distrust him so much.
Within an hour he was asking to go to the shop to get a mini bottle of wine, not knowing what the hell I am supposed to do for the greater good I agreed to 4 cans of beer. He had one, I locked the rest up and within an hour he was asking for another! Honestly thought my head was going to explode! I asked what part of 2 beers in an hour came anywhere near weening yourself off, told him yes you feel like shit, you should feel like shit and whatever the doctor said, you are hearing what you want to hear and that is continue drinking!! Ffs give me strength. We all do it, we hear what we want to hear and I’m no different, that’s why we are so blind to how bad their problem is until it literally smacks us in the chops. Needless to to say he didn’t get the second one for another 2 hours, and it will be drawn out as long as I can. I asked him what he felt was reasonable time between drinks, he had in mind to work it out based upon the number of cans he has left as he can’t have any left in the house in the morning. I negotiated differently and suggested 3 hours between, so next drink is 10pm and as it will be bed shortly after and that I would kindly pour the other one down the sink for him, he agreed. That he will get up when I do whether he sleeps or not tonight because at least he will stand a better chance of getting a good night sleep tomorrow night. He will do stuff around the house and try and build his self esteem up so he can feel like a man again, instead of the pathetic shell he currently is. There’s no drinking until 4pm tomorrow and we will do the same cycle. That I will not be driving the 30 minutes to collect his daughter Friday and so he will need to be sober to do so or forfeit seeing her. The way you’re reading this probably sounds like I’ve been yelling at him and giving ultimatums, but I’ve somehow kept my cool and been supportive and done it more like we are doing a brain storming exercise, discuss the pros & cons of each choice, we’ve discussed that the effects addiction has on the brain renders him unlikely to make good decisions regarding his welfare. I’ve tried to explain it to him that I will help him but I won’t accept the state he was again, and that he can let me (attempt because lord knows I haven’t the foggiest) to guide him off, control the drinking, encourage him to do normal day to day things, have some caffeine in the morning like most other folk that are able to function. I‘ve told him I don’t expect miracles overnight but I have to see changes, he can just make some small changes or go down the same path and we’re essentially finished. I didn’t say it as a threat just this is going to be the only outcome, because I can’t cope with it. It’s his choice and I’m giving him a choice through all of it and with talking things through he is so far making the right ones that will ultimately save his life. He’s on a zoom AA meeting as I write, I didn’t suggest it and he didn’t mention it until it was time for it to start. So we will see what happens. Im not getting my hopes up, it feels like they will be dashed forever, but it’s a start and I’m grateful for the support network I’ve had here, at work, my family and especially the amazing person that made such a difference to my state of mind the last couple of days – I am sending massive hugs to you again. X