Im so sorry!! I completely understand the feeling of being so angry you want to scream and dont want to be in the same room. Im also so sick and tired of the waiting for him to come home and apologise. It gets harder and harder to swallow your anger each time. Youve genuinely summarised how I feel so well.
Today everything is great but only two nights ago I was sat here crying after I realised hed stolen 50 from my handbag to go and buy cocaine. Now is the calm apologetic time. Everything will be fine until its not again. Im here trying to solve all his problems again and paying for everything until his payday comes.. and hence the dread because I genuinely need him to pay me back what he owes me (usually 500 by the end of every month) in order to survive.
Im really sorry. Sending you a big hug.
I wish I could make it better for you but always here if you need someone to listen. Xx