Thank you for that, it was nice to hear things from someone who understands. We were so happy and had so many plans this year that we had both waited so long for, so it’s so confusing that now he is just acting like he hates me, he won’t see me at all and even when I tried to stand up for myself he was pretty nasty, saying he doesn’t love me anymore, i’m selfish, needs to be on his own etc. The only way I can swallow what he’s said is he’s trying to push me way by being horrible as it’s easier, rather than just sitting down and having an honest conversation with me. If he had just said ‘I love you, but for my sobriety right now I need to be on my own’, I would have understood. It’s just the nastiness of it all.
I know what you’re saying has truth, and I have wrote this in a letter to him. We have had a lot conversations where he’s opened up to me about how it’s almost like the devil takes over and doesn’t know how to control it. I’m almost holding onto the fact that if and when he gets back on track he will come back to me and realise what he has lost, a bit like your situation, but I know I could be waiting for a very long time, if never, and really I don’t think I could ever trust him again (this is the second time he’s done this now, I have already forgiven once).
You sound like a really decent bloke who just got lost for a while. It’s great that you have recognised the damage drugs and alcohol has done to your own life and others around you and you’re trying to fix it. Most addicts never see the damage, or they do but the addiction will always be the priority no matter the consequences. The fact that you are so set on never letting it ruin your life again puts you in the great stead to finding happiness again. I understand it’s hard letting go of what you have lost, but new doors open and as you said, you would never have corrected yourself if things had stayed the same.
Thanks for taking the time to listen and respond.