Thank you. I’m a relatively intelligent person but when I try to discuss things with him, he has a knack of bamboozling me and making me out to be the villain and responds with passive aggressive statements… “I’ll give up golf, I’ll give up drinking, I’ll stop eating lunch, I’ll give up vaping etc because that’s what you want me to do” Of course, there is no meaning behind these statements, they are just to guilt me and he acts the martyr! He also very good at bouncing back from these conflicts and I am not, within hours, he can be acting as if nothing happened and I’m left still fuming from the things he said.
I’ve looked at the link you suggested and it looks interesting…I have bought him self-help books before, which he agrees to read but never does. I think this is where he is successful. He’ll often back down and agree to be proactive but doesn’t see things through.
Incidentally, I’m very lucky that my 20 year old is pretty level headed, he understands and empathises with my relationship – he knows I will always put him and his siblings first and I cannot just walk away from the relationship – at 20, he is far more mature than my partner!
Thanks again for reply.