I feel like I was in your position a few years ago and I just learned to accept my husbands outbursts. The man I loved was still there and on occasion I would see that side of him come out. But move on 3 years and the man I loved is all lost. The horrible words he said on occasion are now a weekly or even daily occurrence. I have no choice but to make a plan to get my own life back without him as it’s what I have to do for me and my son. He has never admitted an addiction (cocaine) and still thinks he uses it recreationally. Every now and then he shows some remorse and says he wants to stop but usually within a week he is back to it. I feel stuck in a cycle. Wishing he would admit his addiction and do something about it so my son can have a dad but realising it’s just never going to happen and that over the 3 years things have got worse and worse and worse unfortunately.
I think we learn to accept the moods and the nasty behaviour, blaming us for everything. I hope that you can get your partner to seek help. I wish that I had been able to and hadn’t just put up with his behaviour for so long.