Hi Stlaisinha, sorry I didnt see your email until today.
I hope you are ok, I feel empathy as I too have been in your situation. My husband has relapsed more times than I can remember. He seems to think at the start of a relapse that he has the power, but once an addict starts again they have no power anymore. And unfortunately partners are then thrown into turmoil once more. The fear of it, the fear of how they are a different person, the worry about what they’re doing, when they’ll come home, what they’ll be like when they do. Its horrible.
You will be powerless to stop it, all you can do is explain how it makes you feel (but dont try talking when he’s high, it’s pointless) Tell him you are there for him, but protect yourself.
When people live with addicts they are all consumed, they lose their own identity, you spend all your time worrying about them, and not about you.
We are here if you need us. Sending hugs x