Sorry you’re going through this with your son. It’s heartbreaking watching someone you love lose themselves to substances, Especially when other people around us lack understanding and or lose patience.
Have you heard of Al Anon? They give hope to families and friends who are affected by someone else’s substance misuse. Lots of online meetings etc (for you).
For your son, all Drug and Alcohol services are working remotely so support can be accessed. Usually within these services they have a dual diagnosis worker/nurse.
Try not to feel bad about helping your son out, as that just shows how much you want to help him. However, helping anyone with an addiction is HARD going.
Now, the hard part is he really needs to help himself, and for us family members to realize that’s there’s very little we can do in terms of their aim for abstinence. It’s not easy to come to terms with that.
What helped me was some of these questions:
1 Do you accept you cannot control another person’s behaviour?
2 Can you accept that addiction is a disease? Do you?
3 How have you tried to change others in your life? What were the consequences? (Usually emotional exhausted)
4 How do you feel when your son refuses to do what you want? How do you respond?
5 what could happen if you stopped trying to change this person?
6 How can you let go of others problems and not try to solve them?
Mostly these questions are designed to help you to detach from the addicts behaviour in order for you to protect yourself and with the hope that if you change they may change.
(Questions from the steps program).
Think about it this way for example, If someone confronts us negatively/defensively it’s in our nature to react! Usually the same way. The way I see it is that by us changing our attitudes and responses helps other around us change theirs.
Doesn’t mean you don’t care it just means you are keeping yourself safe while dealings/living with the addict. The old saying goes “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.
I wish you some peace at this time .