When he’s not using or drunk is usually when theres radio silence which is when I feel better as I know he’s ok .. That sounds stupid in itself :/
I’ve never been one to call and text him in the past as I try and keep the distance but when he does call I’ll go as I think at least someone is there talking to him and in that case he won’t do as much, Its weird as like I say he doesn’t really go high and happy if he’s on it he’s just optimistic about the future and talking about the past and how he wont make the same mistakes and making promises about the future and how much he loves me and then the next day even more depressed but it switches over to he will always love me but he will ruin my life.
I am not stupid enough to think he only does this when he rings me, obviously he doesn’t but I feel like if he doesn’t have me to call on that’s the night he’s going to end up dead and although there’s nothing I can do about that .. how I am I supposed to live with that knowing what I know about the things he’s said in the past.
I met him when I was having a horrible time myself not with drugs just life in general .. and the way he used to put life into perspective, or help me to see another way of doing things or give advice, pulled me through so much and when ever I was having a bad time I would always hear a song or see something related to him so it would pull me out of the mood I was in so I guess in a way I am addicted to him and his thought process as he’s wise.
My friend has said from the start, as we both have the same mind sets on life and are both business minded and push each other we would be a match made in heaven as we would have it all if only it wasnt for the drugs and I live in fantasy land thinking it’s true.
I’ve spoken to a few of my friends who have met him about it but they just tell me to get over it, and if he’s blocked me then let it go as they would, I wish my mind could just switch stuff off like that but unfortunaly I can’t 🙁