Reply To: Shocked and feeling sad

#16914
kklost
Participant

I’m lying here awake and so upset.

I can’t believe you have done this

I can’t believe you needed drugs

I can’t believe you have been lying to me about something so dangerous, terrifying

I so scared of you

I so scared at how I am a fool as I had no idea at all.

I was completely blind from this

I feel like you have died and I’m all alone

I can’t see how you will be clean and off drugs

Our sons are so beautiful

Our sons are perfect

Our sons are what I live for

You have failed them

You have done the one thing a parent never does and puts yourself before your child

I am sobbing and have a huge weight on me like I’ve never ever had before. I can’t describe this pain.

Why was your life/our life such a crap place to be?

Why was everything I wanted not enough for you?

Why were me and the boys not enough?

Why did you need this?

You have promised me the most you can.

You have said you will do everything to make this right

You have told me everything I want to hear

You can’t be a statistic and relapse. You can’t do that to yourself or me.

You can’t spout off that you have been clean two days (as I start this from 29th May) and ever take cocaine again.

You can’t ever ever take it again because I won’t survive it. I won’t make this if you do.

I won’t be standing by your side if you slip up even once

I have never ever meant this more – YOU CANT EVER do drugs again. There is no 3rd chance. There will be no family, I will only be here now and never again if you let us down.

You have one shot

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