My husband had me convinced he had errectile dysfunction and has been using viagra at the same time as being high, its been disastrous and hugley embarrasing. Ive been convinced it had something to do with me and then he wouldnt come to bed some nights and was sleeping downstairs and it was becoming more and more frequent i began to dread the thought of Fri eve and onwards. Last night i found another blade and place mat that he hadnt thrown away and i felt so angry that he just hadnt bothered we ended up in a huge row at midnight and he had the nerve to get angry and started packing some things to go. Currently we have his daugher here and mine so i said what was he going to tell them and he said he had no idea. I just felt so pissed off that he hadnt done anything to show that he means to not do this again. He had the nerve to say i was being out of order and was bringing it up. He didnt leave and we stopped arguing but i watched him on our outside camera around 12.40pm throw something in the bin and stand there for too long so i knew he was hiding what he had thrown away. This morning i looked and it was his cycling bag that fits under his saddle with another blade, two rolled up straws and some wrappers and a tube of lube. I know hes not high but the fact is i have been all over the house and garage and thought i had found everything but these appeared. Today he had to go out for work ,travelling for the day so i gave him a choice. He has been an addict on weed for 9 years and we have been through so much shit because of that and now this and he used coke in his previous marriage so this isnt a one off. So he has to get clean of everything or move out as i believe that if he continues with the smoking of the weed always justifying it then this coke addiction will come back easily. I am scared and so sad because i know that i will have to ask him to leave as i dont think he will do it. He has fought so hard to stay smoking the weed to the detriment of his children sometimes and this is his norm but now i dont trust him anymore at all and as much as i love him thats just not enough. I will 100% support him if he gets help and we can have a chance at a happy life where he can be the man i know he is without any highs. I hope he has it in him and that we are enough to want to try. I want this for him and he says he loves me and that giving up the coke will be easier than laying his life out bare and people judging him. I told him that people that help dont judge. Its his time now, i will watch and wait and time will tell.
My life has been hard and because of that im a fighter but i didnt want to remarry and have to fight ever again, i did enough of that in my previous marriage. I feel broken. I have decided to bite the bullet and ask to speak to my counsellor and admit to her what has been going on which im hugely embarrased about. I feel like i have enabled and even normalised at times which before i met him i wouldnt have ever. But i need someone to help me as i have so many emotions that i dont know what to do with.
If i tell my sister or brother they will tell me to kick him out and will be so worried if i dont . If he can make this then they would never speak to him again which wont help me