Hi bbb,
I feel so sad listening to the story of your baby loss, its a hugely emotional time, and you need one another, yet the choice to use coke was stronger. Its unforgiveable.
2 years ago my husband was so convinced (for a year!) that I had had an affair that it twisted him into knots, he was using heavily, getting more paranoid, constantly asking me, trying to trip me up – you can’t trip up an innocent person. In fact his passive aggression and bullying words had turned me into a nervous wreck, I was so scared of an episode that my heart would race, my throat would dry up, I would shake – he saw this as guilt, but it was in fact fear. It got so bad I ended up taking an overdose because I couldnt see a way out of this mess, it was a cry for a break, I was aware enough not to take too many (but still potentially enough to do some damage it turned out) I ended up in an ambulance that he called, he said all the right things when the paramedics arrived, yet 15 mins before he’d been doing a line in front of me. I went to hospital overnight, he wouldnt even come to pick me up, I had to get a taxi home in the morning. He blamed me for doing it, said it was a stupid stunt, he had zero empathy and really didnt care.
I tell you this story because, my husband now would NOT be anything like this, it literally is like living with Jekyll and Hyde. I hate how the drug changes people, its a mind altering substance, and from what I can see, has no positives!!
Without a child, please move on with your life and be happy. Your happiness is important.
Thank you for your kind reply too x