I have lain awake at night and gone over scenarios of what if he is dead because of my husband not coming home. As his mood has got worse and his behaviour more horrible I think sometimes what was worry and concern has turned into fantasy. I cant help it. That’s where my brain goes when its 3 in the morning and they haven’t come home. I have to admit to being a little disappointed when he finally turns up. It sounds awful but it’s the truth. And I hate that I feel this way about the man I love.
I used to shout at him I dont want you to be nice I just want you to be normal. It is such a rollercoaster and my emotions are wrecked from it. The whole time you are almost waiting for that explosion and you have to be ready all the time!