Oh I know what you mean. How could we have been so clueless?! How did we let them lie like that. I often think about the hours I have spent worrying that it was me. I blamed hormones after having a child for example. I tried so hard to work on myself. Friends and family put these ideas into my head. Like after having a baby I didnt pay him enough attention. It meant that his comments and excuses hurt me more.
Then you try harder to make things peaceful and stable but that doesnt work either. Relationships are complicated enough and that’s the trouble. I feel like I need counselling after all this.