The fact that I have lost who I thought was my life partner. She doesn’t want me anymore no 2 ways about it. But I know she loves old me but I haven’t been that guy in years shes probably forgot who that guy is. My behaviour is calming down alot but I’ve still got weeks on the chart of impulsive behaviour it can last for 6 weeks apparently.
And the fact my kids are getting older and i want a better life for them. Also that i hated myself everytime i sniffed i hated rlthw fact i did it. I hated the life I was living. I hated that I lost jobs over it. I hated turning into an absolute monster when in fact I’m the most caring and loving person you would probably meet.
This sounds daft my ex is a pride person she cares what people think like her family and work and everyone. I just really think her being there isnt helping me move on but she won’t let me have kids till mediation has been. Wish I could just forgot and I will eventually get to a point maybe in a few weeks I’ll switch off and that’s when I really wont care. I know she prob will start caring but it will be too late then I will have switched off. Not being mean but once am cold am cold I switched off from all my exs after 2 to 3 months and just never spoke to them again.
I will have too speak to her for my kids but yeah. I will just sit back and laugh then. Wish I was at this point now in my head but I know I’ve tried everything I can xx