You’re most welcome lovely. It’s a deeply isolating place to be, you’re dealing with two different people, almost like schizophrenia (which can be bought on by cocaine). And essentially we’re just dealing with grief of losing our loving loyal partners so suddenly with no real clarity.
When he first did this to me I was also 24, and believe me I hung on years after, I would continuously message him, constantly checking his social media, believing he would change and realise what he’s thrown away for drugs. I really believed him when he said he had changed, hence why I took him back. And he was so convincing, every single day until one day he just switched again out of nowhere. And like I said even if he becomes clear headed again in the future, whats to say years down the line when potentially kids are involved, he will just switch again and again. I think until they are REALLY ready and fully committed, we are always going to lose. Your boyfriend is 36 and is still behaving like my 26 year old ex. He’s not showing any REAL commitment to staying clean, and I despair that unfortunately I think that’s the life they’ve been tied to now and they have a long and difficult road ahead. It’s up to us now to not be dragged down with it too. You have done everything in your power to support your guy, he should have been so grateful for you calling that ambulance but instead you were hit with abuse. How is that humanly right? I’m 28 and you’re 24, we are still young and have every option now to walk away from this mess whilst we can. For so long I’ve been depending on my ex for my happiness even whilst we were apart, I so desperately wanted to help him and I know I can’t do that anymore.
For now, I’ve blocked him on everything, the damage is done and like you, I don’t think I could move past what’s happened even if he were to reach out. So I’m practicing some mindfulness, looking at this forum, healing myself and making some new plans for the future. Which I think you should too because we don’t deserve this sh*t 🙂 thank you for your kind words too, it’s really helped to pick me up!
Kel1, thank you for your kind words, don’t get me wrong, I have spent most of my days crying…I like to come on here to word vomit, it’s a good form of therapy! I read your stories and I absolutely admire your strength, it’s painful enough as it is let alone having them do it to your children as well. It’s proof that drugs will literally come over EVERY kind of love when they’re in the grips of it. It’s unfathomable. You should be so proud of yourself for choosing a better life for yourself and I promise that you will find so much happiness again, things will only go up from now on. You would never have been happy staying with your partner whilst drugs are involved, and even if he came back, what he has done to you and put you through is unforgettable and unforgiveable. There are much nicer people who are more deserving of our love out there, I’m sure of it!
It’s time now to heal ourselves! Sending lots of love and strength girls xxx