I don’t think we will ever get closure or the answers we seek because what we are dealing with is an addict, and addicts are irrational, selfish, irresponsible, sick, manipulative, lying, selfish (oops said that’s already) cold, self centered unwell individuals.
Focus on you. Otherwise you’ll be going around and around in circles getting nowhere fast a part from making yourself unwell and as destructive as them.
Healthy people do not think, feel and behave the same way as an unhealthy person.
Big hugs