Robb,
Concerning what one said to you, this can’t be a life anyone would want. I don’t see how this could be healthy for you or your loved one. That’s ‘easy’ for me to say given my circumstances. I was shocked on reading your 8 year marathon. The ‘price’ – unfathomable to me and all the more difficult seeing this is your sweat heart.
In some stances, the evolving normalities of living with my alcoholic sister have become a trap of sorts. I look back and see I slipped into habbits (dealing with her) and unfavourably so for her AND me, good as my intentions were, worried etc I was. It will be a lifetime comittment striving to deal with this more ‘effectively’. I appreciate keeping silent. I think I last expressed my feelings etc to my sister a month ago. It’s all been said each way. We’ve heard it all.
No one ‘makes’ anyone do or feel anything. I feel pissed off with my sister at times. Resentful, infuriated too. She doesn’t ‘make’ me feel or respond this way, nor do I ‘make’ her drink. She didn’t choose alcoholism. I didn’t choose to live with it. She chose to stop her meds. I chose counselling, whatever I could do for myself.
I too have paid a price. I have Epstein Barr and Osteoarthritis. This flared up late last year. It was improving then nose dived during my sister’s worse Bipolar1 fuelled alcohol relapse. Now, I’m house-bound. Worst ever. Coincidence? Surely not. Did she ‘make’ me sick? No. I don’t blame her, as resentful as I feel fom time to time. I’m working through the list to improve my health. That’s my ‘job’. Feels futile but I must persevere.
Hope my response doesn’t read as ‘victim’. My entention is to highlight how my health was/is affected living with my alcoholic sister, how I’ll need to get a grip on my anxiety. Over the years, I’ve been thinking how this, my perceprions and dealings has affected my relationship with myself. That’s something I can resolve. After 7 years – fractured with my sister…..
I’ve had ‘666’ times (unrelated to my sister’s alcoholism). We all have. What became apparent to me was that I could physically and psychologically separate myself from these assorted situations. My health wose weren’t inflamed with the unrelated ‘666’ and like many, I’ve quite a list. Bottom line: I put myself second and not surprisingly, my self designated back-seating became a hindrance to me. I suffered.
I was the classic enabler. I meant well, would do anything to help, near did. In the end, I realised my efforts didn’t help nor would they (maybe for moments but that was the extent). Have long been a carer and protector. For others. Me – not so much ,or DID. It took a few years. Now, I’m trying to keep myself front row centre, the stuff I’d previously ‘done’ for a loved one.
This is a life I choose. I always had that option. I just didn’t know I was quite worth it. My efforts didn’t help others and in the process, neglected my needs. I’ve decided to clean up my own. From time to time, I say to myself, “Would I expect XYZ of another? Would I plead, nudge, guilt another to do so? Hell no!” Seems to do something for me. You’re still not alone Robb. Psychs can help. Whatever helps. Whatever works for YOU.
StraightUp.