So the text did come and spent time till early hours talking in depth about everything.
He has phone consultations every Thursday with the doctor and this time they have put him on anti depressants and mood stabilizers so it started off with him asking me if he should take them and is it the right thing to do so I said yeah as he needs something.
The doctor has told him he needs to be happy and that comes from within so the tablets are only a helping hand which again I agreed with, the doctor asked him what makes him happy and he told him alchol, coke, coke and girls .. then added that these are all not actually real things.
He told me in the self reflection he’s done this week he realises that if he was sliding down he would call me and I would go and being with me makes him happy as he feels like he is escaping his reality as he can’t face what he’s done and being with me is like a dream world but now he realises he needs to face reality, and build up his life again, he’s told me his plans and says he feels ashamed about the way he’s treated me and everyone close to him.
He’s said because he feels worthless and his anxiety gets to him he drinks which then leads to coke and then when it starts he’s gone.
He said he wants me there for the recovery and he knows out of everyone that I’ve seen him at his worst and always been there even now when actually I don’t need to have him around at all or let him back in after weeks of radio silence.
He said he understands if I don’t want to wait but when he’s back on top of the world in a few months he’s picking me up for a real date in the car he’s going to get and he wants to have his own house and independence to be able to invite me over and just build a life. He’s said if I am standing by him it’s a none committed thing right now yes he wants to see me at least once a week and he wants us to go and have what he calls normal people fun and reconnect with out him being high as a kite but at the same time he needs to work on himself do his therapy and get his life on the road, fix his family relationships and build trust so at the moment this is his main focus, but he won’t be trying to talk to girls or getting in a relationship at all.
So basically I’ve said I’ve always been there, I get that it’s an illness but I won’t support the addict life style and I am not a mug. He’s agreed.
He’s saying all the right words but as of yet I’ve not seen him to see if he’s actually in the real world he’s said he wants to see me this week and of course he’s talked about getting clean before usually when he’s on a drug come down, my friend read the messages and basically said that it’s the most sence he’s ever made in the whole time I’ve known him and I agree.
But we know addicts have a habbit of manipulation!