Hi BT and Ash, thank you so much for getting back to me.
I have found out this morning that when he was staying with my mum the few days after my dad died he was using in the house. My dad hated drugs and I feel this is so disrespectful. He took it when my mum was in bed.
She doesnt, and when I try and tell her she doesn’t want to hear it. She feels she needs to be as nice as possible to my eldest brother all the time incase he kicks off or tries to kill himself again. This is extremely frustrating.
I have a lovely partner who is with me every step of the way, but also gets angry when talking about my eldest brother. Cocaine has made my brother very manipulative.
Since my dad died he keeps going on about ‘my dad’ instead of our dad to me and the rest of my siblings. Almost as if he is the only one going through this.
My dads funeral is next week and I just hope that he doesn’t start to cause disruption in the family even more before of after it. Personally I think a lot of what he does is for attention.
I have no started grieving for my dad yet, I haven’t cried yet. I have been so busy looking after my mum, her dogs, the funeral arrangements etc… I’m extremely lucky my work are giving me as much time as I need. But I am exhausted every day, I don’t sleep that well at night.
I have taken this afternoon to myself After being at the funeral directors this morning , I’m currently lying in my bed in the dark reflecting on everything that’s going on and happening.
Ash you are right I do want to scream at him, I want him to know it’s not about him right now, he doesn’t need to hit out at us. I know everyone grieves in their own way but there is no need for his behaviour right now.
I have blocked his number in my phone so I cannot be at the receiving end of his rage anymore.
Thanks again both of you xx