Hey heather
No problem at all, helping people helps me believe it or not. Plus I hate the thought of people suffering if I’m sat on information that may help.
I should caveat the following by saying this is only my experience and I’m not a professional- just wary that posts get removed.
Being an addict and being in AA for 12 years, as well as recently battling through an opioid addiction I guess all I can share are my experiences.
To begin with one thing I hear alot is people talking about fear. That fear is generally about anything and everything and is self centred. Using provides an alleviation of that fear for a while, typically though the fear comes back even while using and it’s like pouring petrol on a bomb fire as the self medication no longer works.
Being totally selfish is another. All that matters is me changing the way I feel when it’s on me so to speak. And when that happens- unless I have a defense – nothing will stop me using. Doesn’t matter I have a beautiful wife, kids, house, car, job etc – if I dont have that defense in place then I’m using no matter what. And sod everything else, I’ll worry about that later and I dont think about anyone or anything.
I also hear about cycles in the sense that people feel fear, use, then feel guilt shame and remorse, then use on that because they cant handle their actions or feelings and start all over again. Another common thing is build and destroy in the sense people work really hard to attain or achieve something and then pull it all down again. This is associated with low self esteem and feeling not worthy. I certainly did this alot with my career.
Self esteem is another common one. Not feeling on par with other people. This is usually not feeling equal to others.
This sort of stuff isn’t even touching the iceberg really, and many people have many strands to their addictions.
This is alot to take on, and unless you are the addict it’s going to be tough to understand as what we do makes no sense to those in the outside usually.
It was explained to me once to think of addiction like a tree. There is the root – essentially the core of what the problem is causing someone to use. Then you have the branches which is the way this addiction comes out and presents – alcohol, drugs, food, sex, gambling anything really. My personal opinion is that the addict must find and understand the root to stay stopped and that talks patience and hard work.
This is a ton of overwhelming information I know, and it’s hard to write out on a mobile! To keep it simple I’d advise trying the below first as this is a complex problem and wont be fixed overnight
Get identification for you, and your son, with others in the same boat. That could be posting on here or your son could try some online NA meetings which are discreet and private and just observe
Stay close to the GP and professional people too. I dont believe one method is a single answer to this personally I prefer to cover all angles
Try to get him into healthy habits slowly but surely. Nutrition, exercise, good sleep and keeping busy are not easy, but key foundations in the battle
If you can get these three into place I’m hoping he may be ready to embrace the issue and then look further into it as it’s an inside job and has to come from him to be successful.
For me personally AA and other fellowships were super helpful. They knew my problem as they lived and breathed it themselves and recovered. They gave me somewhere to be when I felt like drinking or using. I made friends in the same boat. I saw people who weren’t as bad as me, and people that had gone on to the bitter end, and there was also a 13 step programme on offer which helped me see my problems clearly and provided a way to live. Not everyone can adopt this, but starting with identification and being around d others is a solid start
Keep posting if I can help I certainly will and sorry for the all over the shop response!