Hey fiona
That is very heavy stuff.
I’m acutely aware it’s very easy to give advice from the outside looking in and therefore easy to band things about willy nilly, not so easy when you are the poor soul in the thick of it.
From what you have written and described he clearly isnt ready or has no interest in getting better right now. The most difficult part of this is the fact that change has to come from the addict, no one can recover for them. Without that everything else is futile, and probably why he dropped the meetings out and didn’t do counselling.
I have met tons of addicts who are intelligent, funny and caring – sadly that goes out the window when on drugs and people completely change.
I guess the question is what next?
You mentioned you cant kick him out which I totally understand, sadly hebhadnt hit rock bottom and what you are going through now will get worse over time until he stops using or leaves.
Is there anywhere else he can go at all or has he burned all his bridges?