Into week 8
He’s still clean. Doing tests every 2 days.
He is finally him. He is who I’ve married and who I love. I didn’t realise how much he had ‘gone’ – his demise was so gradual I hadn’t realised the signs.
We are still having cross words, but on such a normal level of fighting… putting bins out… over within minutes.
Social services have signed us off. Thank god. To be honest they were pretty naff, but I’m glad it’s done with.
He sat down with his mum and Sister and told them. That’s the only family members he has told, they were shocked but the power his mother has over him in immense so the fact he has told her shows me he is getting clean. She has never felt I was good enough for him and yesterday she said she couldn’t believe I have stood by him over this and wouldn’t have blamed me if I left him. Huge statement! As I’m the one who’s lucky to have him (normally) in her eyes.
I know ultimatums are NOT supposed to be a good idea and don’t usually work. BUT I am so glad I did. I could never have lived along side him being a druggie. I will not in the future either. If he ever relapses we are done…. no doubts for me.
I know so much more now than when I wrote my original post. I know that cocaine is disgusting and dangerous. I know I was naive and living a very sheltered life. I will make sure my sons are educated about the dangers of this drug and what damage it can do. Until 8 weeks ago I ‘thought’ I knew. I knew NOTHING!
I’m relieved, grateful and so so lucky he has chosen us. I am never ever going to take that for granted. I will appreciate that til the end of my days.
I am stronger, confident and know I can stand up to this with my head held high.
If this later on all falls apart so be it. But I am trying to not let negative worries ruin my now. I want to live more in the moment and try to enjoy this life. Make plans and do more fun things. Make the most out of stuff, which I honestly took for granted.
I start counselling of my own next week and this lady will continue with us as a couple when the time is right. I need professional support to work out the anger, the confusion side of it. But it’s 8 weeks in and I didn’t know where the hell I was gonna be 8 weeks ago.
Thank you all!