Hi Harleyjane,
Really heartbreaking reading your story, but really glad you’ve reached out here.
Firstly, codependency is a behavioural problem and essentially a reliance on another for approval! Well, you’re his mother and so id say you are trying to help/love/protect your son, so that definition and the instincts of a mother would be hard to differentiate! Chuck a bit of fear into that mix also! The reality is, you’re dealing with an addict and that will consume even the strongest of us.
Alcohol and cannabis are both categorized as a “depressant” which affects memory and emotion, hence the decline in mental health! Cocaine on the other hand is a stimulant, which will make an individual feel happy, excited, awake and confident, but oh the risks associated are:
Depressed/ anxiety/ paranoid and so on an so fourth – typically Calling them “come downs”. So no wonder your son is suffering with his mental health.
Mixing substances just makes it all worse! Cocaine literally can turn someone into a monster!
I agree with BT1978 in that he would need to get some help/ and want it! Rock bottom sure does have a basement! Where addiction is there is always heartbreak!
What about if you asked him if he would agree to having a chat with your local Drug and alcohol service? “Just a chat”. Failing that, it’s a waiting game, very unfair one but he will have to experience that time when he thinks “enough is enough”.
In my experience, and through my own observations the “tough love” call very rarely works out positively! I’ve seen people die thru this way of intervention, and although not anyone’s fault, it nevertheless never ever leaves a person should this happen! And psychologically you never really switch off anyway.
You can learn new ways to cope however, Al Anon are a good support service to learn more.
Sending warm wishes and hugs. We know it’s not easy and we understand that you are going thru your own kind of hell. Things can change, take it day to day and try to hold onto your sanity. Look after yourself with lots of self care and whatever you do DONT BLAME YOURSELF! X