I’m sorry you’re going through this. It can really make you feel crazy. I’m at the point where I can’t fall asleep for most of the night, because I’m stuck in my head worrying about why my boyfriend isn’t in bed next to me. He doesn’t usually go out to bars or anything at night and does cocaine in the house. Maybe I should at least be grateful for that. But sometimes I’ll get up at 4-5am and he’s still awake in the living room. Maybe once or twice I’ve been able to convince him to go to sleep, but he usually will make up excuses not to. I can no longer relax at home because I feel like I’m on constant surveillance.
I hate to admit it, but for me the coping mechanism is distance. Right now he is staying with his family, and I’m finally able to sleep at night. I’m no longer picking up his messes or feeling anxious around the house. Certain hobbies can help also. Sometimes playing guitar will get me out of my head enough to forget about what’s going on in my life.