Hi Kezmundo,
The thing is, when you’ve been around it before, you know, you just know. You still need concrete proof (test/swipes) but you already knew didnt you.
Its actually quite easy for the partners to see slight changes, that they themselves don’t ever see. I can even tell by my husbands text message tone (because he’s uses a slightly different language), they lack appetite – thats an easy one to spot if you cook for him etc etc.
My husband is 8 months clean after 20+ years of first recreational, then daily use, with breaks here and there. I’m constantly on edge still. Certain people he occasionally sees trigger worry in me, but I have to trust him.
Like Lemony says, they have to want to stop themselves, nothing you or his kids can do/say will change that it he’s not bought in, or doesnt see it as a problem.
Sending hugs xx