I’m sorry, Honey. I hope it’s a lapse or two and not a full relapse. I’m divorced from my husband now and he’s at last living a clean and health life, but when we were together and he was using on and off for years, he never gave up drink and I think that was the key. He nolonger drinks. I think he’s not had one since the start of lockdown but drinks zero per cent beers (they’ve improved so much in recent years he’s happy not to have the real thing). He’s moved back to his home town and in with his parents but that’s been good for his mental health. He’s doing well.
I would make some basic demands of your husband. Set some boundaries and if he breaks them, separate from him. If he is tumbling back into full blown addiction and it looks as if he is, there’s nothing you can do but leave him to it, because only he can make the changes needed.
I am not surprised you feel like you can’t go back there again. Neither could I and I had to walk away and leave a 20 year marriage. Hardest thing I’ve ever done and 18 months later it’s still so hard. Good luck to you, I wish you the best xx