Hello Cornwall Mom- I’ve responded to you before. I’m the mom with the alcoholic son. I wanted to reach out- I’m just having a really bad day.
I posted above that he had sent a profuse apology for how he treats me when he’s drinking. He said, “You know that’s not me right?” Well, unfortunately, it’s mostly him because that’s really all I get to see. I know the good guy is in there, but does it really matter? It’s not who they currently are. As expected, I have not heard from him at all since that text on July 23rd. I too, have not reached out. But then I get to a place where I start getting anxiety when I haven’t heard anything and start crying more. We were a lot like you and your son. I had him when I was 19 and he was my sunshine. A very blonde boy with ringlet curls. We were very close for a mother and son and I treasured that. I don’t know how to let that part go. He tells me that I’m the most important thing in his life and clearly that’s not true.
I’ve been privately crying a lot, and couldn’t take it anymore, so I sent him a text telling him how sad I am and that I miss him. I basically poured my heart out to him. I feel like he doesn’t care about me at all. He talks to no one right now. He does not have a girlfriend or a job. As I mentioned on my post, he’s living off a small inheritance from his grandfather. I can’t control the money, so he has no reason to stop. He will run out of money, but it could take a year. He rarely leaves his apartment. He’s not in touch with any family members ( except me occasionally). I worry about his mental state.
Anyway, no surprise, after pouring my heart out to him, he didn’t even respond. And here I am, left again to my tears and he’s probably drinking away whatever emotion it invoked in him. Then the mind starts, and I think “is he dead and that’s why he’s not responding?” Then I get mad at myself for reaching out at all and setting myself up for this. And I don’t know how to not do it. He’s my son.