Hi
I can feel your hurt in your message
I was in a similar situation. I found my husband was using heroin. We have three children
In May while recovering myself from menegitis I found methadone, a lot of empty bottles. I confronted him and at the time he asked for help. Told me he was mixing it with diazepam to give the same high as heroin.
I asked him did he do herion, he denied and I asked was there any drug debts owed m. He denied.
I choose to help him as he had asked and I am married to him
It was hard, but in face I was enabling him. He became too complacent that he had a roof over his head and access to food ect
I taught he was stable and clean until mid July when a large amount of income went missing. While looking for the money I came across all the drug paraphernalia.
I was furious and confronted him once again
He redirected all the blame onto me, said that was from months ago and he agreeded to a drug test to prove his innocence
Addicts are very cunning and manipulative.
At the time of the drug test he failed to give urine and the following day all our income was spent on drug debts again
He seeked help from the doctors but it was “all for me” not generally for himself
I soon realised I can’t fix him, only he has choose to change his life and fix himself.
He use to smoke at night while we were all asleep but the last week he brazenly smoke trough out the day.
It was so distressing looking at him, obviously completely out of it and telling me he only took dizapam.
So I made a hard decision to completely detach myself and safe guard my children
I told him to leave.
He never taught I would follow trough on my word but I did
I have gave him so many chances and he completely disrespected me
It’s wasn’t an easy decision, I didn’t want my marraige to fail, I was in denial for quiet along time but he now has to fight for his family back as I won’t let the children see him until he’s stable and clean.
He is staying in with his father and hasn’t left the room in 6 days. The last time he used was Friday 14th
My decision was the best choice I have made. He know realise he has lost everything over his addiction and it’s up to him now solely to address his problem and they underlying issues that lead him that way
I told him I’m continuing my life without him and if he wants to reunite as a family he must stand up and be a good husband and father and take responsibility for his role in life and stop with all the self pity and blaming everyone else for his own faults
I am enjoying my time with my children, I took two weeks off work until school starts
I feel I can breath, I no longer feel suffocated.
I’m taking this time to heal and rebuild my relationship with the children.
Think of your own wellbeing, addiction destroys everything in its path and getting out of the way is the strongest form of detachment support you can show.
Be strong x