Hi again.
Thank you for taking time to reply, I really appreciate it.
I didn’t sleep last night with worry because of my partner’s ‘symptoms’. I am of course thinking worse case, literally the worst thing you could think of in this situation because of what’s physically happening to him. And Google is the devil. I can’t imagine how you must have been feeling. Thankfully my partner hasn’t been doing anything like that. The anxiety is crippling. I couldn’t even eat a McDonald’s last night 😉 Humour keeps me slightly more sane…
I have a feeling that although he is telling me he doesn’t want to die so therefore will never drink again, he doesn’t understand that he is seriously unwell and to get back to ‘normal’ could take a considerable amount of time. His words were ‘I just want to be the old me again right now’ (he’s 6’2 and usually fit), because after 7 laps of walking round the garden the nurse told him to take it easy. He said what if he needs to be operated on which shows me he’s scared but again doesn’t get that if it is that serious it isn’t as simple as that. I of course haven’t said that to him. It’s heartbreaking and so worrying. His skin is apparently still yellow but getting better (not sure if that’s true), his hands are shaky and cramping up, he feels (and probably looks) bloated, his toilet patterns are all messed up and he just overall feels completely weak (but is able to move every day by walking around the gardens, showering, sitting in groups etc.). He isn’t a fan of the groups but is participating (well, attending) every day at least three times. He is a typical ‘matcho’ man who thinks a lot of the therapy isn’t geared towards him and I also think he’s worried about opening up completely about his childhood as he’s already recently done that with a counsellor which was really really tough. I mean I don’t know if it would help raking all that up again as he’s already visited it and not that long ago. His reaction isn’t to cry it’s to express it through anger and frustration (tears) which I think now he won’t be drinking he will need help with maybe medically. I’m unable to talk to the doctor at the clinic but the staff there have basically said he is in the right place (as you have reassured me thank you). My worry was should he be in a hospital but obviously the detox needs to happen first and foremost. I have a call with his GP tomorrow so will mention a couple of things as you’ve suggested including the jaundice. This urgent scan he’s meant to be having we still haven’t received correspondence for and that was almost three weeks ago so I will also ask the GP to assist with chasing that. I am terrified what the results of that will be. He’s only 41 and we are meant to be starting a family. He said he had a dream about drinking last night and can’t understand why all of a sudden this has happened. His tolerance was ridiculously high until last month (functioning alcoholic) when his body just started completely shutting down. It was very strange if I’m honest, almost just so sudden. But I assume that’s what happens?? You can’t drink like that forever. I was going to book him an appointment for the day after he comes out (next Thursday) with the GP so they can have a chat, and also with the local alcohol service who have said they may be able to help with craving meds and signposting to help groups. I think he may go for the AA groups as he mentioned it before he entered rehab but I don’t know how keen he is on talking about the past. He isn’t in denial about his problem as he has said he’s an alcoholic, but what he is saying is that he started drinking because he was a party boy and the ‘work’ he chose to do when he was younger to make money wasn’t exactly ‘kosher’ to say the least (obviously that was years ago), so he was always drinking and surrounded by it. So he’s saying his drinking problem is completely different to others that he’s hearing at the moment. I mean clearly in his twenties he chose to go down that ‘career’ path because of his childhood/parents and he does know that, but he seems to think other people in the clinic who are drinkers are just absolutely completely different. Plus he says they were drinking much less. My partner was a vodka drinker and most recently it was up to a litre a day which is just sickening to write.
I’m not even sure what I’m asking but I just appreciate being able to let it all out, again thank you so so much for just listening.