Hey and welcome. Was just replying to someone else and saw this.
Your son reminds me of me way back when, before I sorted myself out.
It reads like he has a bonafide alcohol and drug problem. One leads to the other, the it way to overcome that is abstinence. Most alcoholics and addicts battle to do this alone (I’m not saying it can’t be don’t btw) and struggle to stay stopped without support or that void being filled.
He’s dead right about manipulation, it’s what we do to get what we want, avoid detection and carry on without question, trouble is there are always consequences.
The first thing to do is to set some boundaries and tell him you won’t be enabling the behaviour any more. The more you enable the less likely he is to make a serious attempt at quitting
Second up there are aa and NA meetings on zoom alld at every day which require a phone or tablet or of to attend remotely, that’s it, maybe he can get identification there and peer support.
Rehabs are great, I don’t have anything against them, however they are bloody expensive and not a guarantee to work – are you in the UK or US?