She sounds like she has lost all control of herself, which will affect her thinking/ decision making. If she is this entrenched then it would be harder for her to want to stop drinking and get the help she needs.
This must be really hard to live with, and I so get the feelings of “embarrassment” and the hidden relationship. It’s awful and no way to live. We merely exist this way and grow in resentment.
In the end I left, I had too and you can too. I lost myself, and I’m still finding myself. 22 years stuck in addiction will do that to a person. It’s so bloody hard.
Although, I’m sad, lost, lonely and hurt – so so hurt, I do have no more lies, no more embarrassment, no more cheating and all the rest of it.
Al Anon is a good place for support for yourself. As for your wife, she needs to want to get the help and she may never! It’s the acceptance of that that hurts the most – probably because we aren’t chosen and the addiction wins. Rejection is awful. So don’t reject yourself.