Sorry for the late replies been away with my new partner.
The hard thing to accept when using is taking responsibilities for your own actions. The lies the manipulation and the control becomes a way of life that I suppose you just get used to as a user and also vice versa because you accept it the other way.
It has took me 3 years of repeatedly trying to even get this far but until I knew I’d lost everything I would have never changed… I didn’t want to stop deep inside because I knew I could carry on getting away with it. I would be snappy and exert horrible behaviours making my ex wofe feel worthless. I’m not making am excuse but I never realised how bad I was until I got to week 8 of being clean.
My honest personal opinion is that someone will not change until they lose everything and they are cut off. No borrowing money. No shoulder to lean on. No nothing. Me and my ex wife have started talking amicably again now and I’m gonna give her a link to this thread so maybe she can share her feelings on this post… it’s a bitter pill to swallow but the honest truth is.
Until that switch in your head clicks and you realise you have a problem and you want to actually stop using and you accept your selfish behaviours. A user will never change. You have to change your whole way of life. Know what triggers you. Know what to avoid.
I go to the gym regular and use creatine. I get my mum to put the mix in because looking at the white powder is a trigger.
The first thing I did was prepare. I had multivitamin tablets and fruit juice every morning for first 9 days.
Then I got active. Started with walks then jogs and runs.
During all this was routine. Going to bed at a set time. Even if you can’t sleep I kept my arse in that bad and I made sure I got up. Also the over eating. I’d sit and eat a 16 inch pizza to myself some nights I was constantly hungry. But eating was key to stopping cravings.
On the 3rd week the anxiety took its toll. It was unbelievable. Panic attacks and night sweats. This was when I engaged I’m cbt. The physical side effects had gone mostly but the mental side effects stayed up until week 9 or 10.
At week 10 the behaviour had fully settled the anger had gone. The smile i had years ago has returned.
You have to tell yourself this is a life choice and just 1 key can take you back to an unhappy situation and ruin everything you have.
My conclusion is that if he’s got away with it for so long he’s not gonna change unless he loses everything and am sorry to say that.