coco, it’s best you don’t give yourself false hope. Honestly, I’ve got the t-shirt where that’s concerned. You are NOT responsible for him using, or what happens if he uses. He could well die, or have a stroke or a heart attack, or get threatened or beaten by another user or dealer. That is the life of an addict, and that is the choice HE is making.
For the sake of your own mental and physical health, you have to cut him off. Until he can come back to you CLEAN, and PROVE he’s clean, there is absolutely NO POINT going round in this cycle. They use drugs and they use people. If he does get clean, you will know yourself by his whole life and behaviour. The sooner you accept that it might not happen, you will make the rest of your journey so much easier.
Block him, and take back the power, so you can regain your peace of mind and your sanity. You deserve better than to have such anxiety and unhappiness in your life.
I’ve let my fella go now. Claims he is going into rehab. I really couldn’t care because he is on that road alone now.. and I am on my own road. It made me ill, physically sick and mentally ill (anxiety, depression, panic attacks). NO MORE.
Always here if you want to chat.